Swap 'til You Drop

It all started with a 3day trip, layovers in Atlanta and New Orleans. Now I basically asked for this trip... anytime I get to visit home and get paid for it I take it. And I have never been to New Orleans and I wanted the opportunity to visit The Big Easy and party like it's Mardi Gras, even if it is a Tuesday night.

The only problem it wasn't backed up with my other trips. Now if I had been based in Atlanta it wouldn't have been a big deal, but being a commuter you cringe at the fact that your trips are not backed up. This is one more day you spend in a nasty crash pad... or one more day that you spend trying to list yourself on standby in hopes that someone with 85 years seniority doesn't get the last seat before you.

So I turned to the ever so faithful swap board. This is a place where all the flight attendants and new hires list their really crappy trips in hopes that someone somewhere out there will trade you for their equally as crappy trip that works better with your schedule, or somehow you will get lucky and score something that no one has ever seen before. That's how I ended up with a new 3day trip. This one with layovers in Seattle and Washington DC. Score! I wanted to see both of these places SO bad. Problem! It wasn't commutable. I just jumped at the opportunity to see 2 new cities that I didn't even realize I passed up a day at home to spend just another day commuting because my trip didn't release until 11:30pm. Yes, the airline industry is 24/7/365... but flights from NYC to ATL just don't happen at midnight.

Back to the swap board. With no hopes of finding anything I turned to Facebook. Yes, Facebook. Here we have a vast number of groups that we can beg and plead and even bribe other flight attendants to take our trips. Like the swap board, but much more annoying and personal. My post looked something like this:

"Looking for someone to swap. Will take any trip on July 24. Layovers in SEA and IAD. Great trip, just trying to commute"


The reply...


"I will swap you for my Madrid! If you're interested just take it. It's on the board."


Excuse me what!? Is that a international trip!? Someone wants my new hire trip and will swap me for an international to Spain? Um, YES I'm interested!

And that is how I scored an awesome trip to Madrid. I'll just call it new hire luck :)

Bull Fighting Arena

Plaza Mayor

Bull Bar. The walls were completely covered with pictures of bull fighting injuries. Quite gruesome, but very entertaining I must say.

Apparently those hams can go for up to $1200 a leg! Or at least that what I was told

The Cathedral

The Palace

This couple was so adorable. They were sitting outside the park performing with each other. They could  have cared less if anyone was watching though, you could tell they were still so in love. Absolutely precious. Made a great romantic scene in the old streets of Madrid.

These street performers were amazing. Her entire outfit is made from a tarp and a grocery bag, and his instrument is made out of things you can find in street. Notice the bottom is a desk lamp.

Still trying to figure this one out. The back is even more intriguing. 

I have no idea if both people are even real... and how he is squatting that long.

The symbol of Madrid

Cutting the meat for our tapas 

Enjoying Spanish sangria.

The Good With the Bad

All it takes is a little rain to ruin any parade. One small detail can make any pleasant situation, not so pleasant. For example: My last Aday rotation.

Being called in for your Adays for 2 long layovers in Spokane, Washington and Salt Lake City, Utah = Good.
Leaving from Newark, NJ at 5am = BAD.

Another dreaded Newark trip. The trip started out waking up at 2:30 am to catch the van while people are still up drinking. This included avoiding the obnoxiously drunk man screaming on the corner yelling vulgar things at all the flight attendants walking by that also had to make the awful trek so early in the morning.

Anytime you are assigned a Newark trip you must give yourself at least 2+ hours to get there, because for some reason people who make the schedules at my company don't realize JERSEY is another STATE! Riding in the van to Newark at 3am is the only time I have had the pleasure to enjoy the lights of Manhattan at night. Pathetic, I know.

Lights of Manhattan = Good.
Drunk obnoxious man = BAD.

The trip actually didn't turn out to be so bad. I actually had a great time and made a new really great friend. Besides a few minor details that I could have lived without, I actually enjoyed the trip.

The first day we had a long layover in Spokane, Washington. BEAUTIFUL. This is one of the things I love about my job. There would not have been a time in my life when I would have just wanted to pick up and go on a journey to Spokane. I mean let's be real, it took me an entire day to even say the town right without sounding like a complete redneck. But that's okay. I just blamed it on the fact I was from Atlanta and everyone suddenly thought it was cute. Apparently it's "SPOKE-CAN" and not "SPOKE-CAIN." Either way, the passengers knew where they were going.

One of the other crew members and I decided to go on an adventure and explore this city we would have never adventured to anyway. It was the cutest little town. Everyone seemed so happy and healthy. People were walking around in the park with the entire family, actually enjoying each other's company, not worried about things like what their next clever Facebook status would be.

Our day started with a sky bucket ride over Spokane Falls. It's amazing what a little fresh air and a beautiful waterfall can do for your spirit. After a plane full of awkward people ordering ginger-ale and even more awkward smells, a little sunshine and non-recycled air is a beautiful beautiful thing.

After just basking in the sun and enjoying the mist on our face we walked up the river to enjoy the view from the bridge. This is where we found an awkward Catholic mob protesting, carrying signs, and singing some really creepy song. We didn't stay long. In fact, we ran.

We ventured farther into town and came across of the most beautiful hotels I've even encountered. The Davenport. Even the name sounds elegant. And I don't know about you, but I can't say it without wanting to sound like a debutante. The Davenport is a very old, very well preserved historic hotel in the heart of Spokane. They claim, "In all things, the hotel sincerely tries to so well please its guests that they will be glad they came, sorry to leave and eager to return." This is exactly what happened and I only sat in the lobby and peered curiously in their many ballrooms. My new friend and I instantly felt like royally as we walked around on the mezzanine level and enjoyed all the archive photos and artifacts. The hotel has been guests to just about every president of the 20th century, royalty, and a handful of famous people over the years and every corner you turn has a new exquisite detail for you to gasp and awe. As you walked in every ballroom you felt like a princess, I couldn't even imagine how amazing you would feel if you actually had your wedding there and you were actually were dressed as a princess. My two personal favorites were the Marie Antoinette Ballroom and The Peacock Room.

After a pleasant afternoon at The Davenport we walked back to our not so glamorous Doubletree Hotel to enjoy our wonderful sleep number king size bed. I'll take it. The next day's adventure would take us to Salt Lake City. Another beautiful city that I wouldn't really have a chance to visit. My wonderful day was started by a woman who insisted who use the bathroom at take off, and by use the bathroom I mean REALLY use the bathroom and a child on his first airplane ride who got sick on landing because of  the turbulence. Pair this with the man who decided not the bathe, I don't know probably EVER, and you have yourself  a very unpleasant airplane ride.

The fresh air of Spokane Falls = Good.

The smell of an airplane lavatory and vomit = Very, Very, Bad.

The stay at Salt Lake City was equally as enjoyable. Beautiful weather, amazing sunshine, and a lovely outside mall complete with a fountain for the kids to play in. The fountain was built for the site of the Olympics hosted in Salt Lake City and it reminded me a lot of Centennial Park in Atlanta were the 1996 Olympics were held.

Perhaps the most memorable part of my trip was the last leg home. And by home I mean first to Jersey in the middle of the night, then eventually on a plane ride back home after waiting standby for hours. The last leg started off with a 2 hour weather delay. This made the passengers already extremely enjoyable. Not. After a crazy boarding we began our 4 hour plane ride back to the east coast. Because of the delay I would already be getting back to my crash pad around 2:30am, right where my entire trip began. Wonder if the drunk man would be waiting on me? Well I guess fate did not want me to meet my drunk friend again. This would be because of the mechanical problem that caused us to have to go back to Salt Lake City before we had even reached 10,000 feet. And not just any mechanical problem, but a mechanical problem that caused our airplane air conditioning to break and only produce heat. I don't know if you realize how uncomfortable a hot plane is with 200 people on it with the air conditioning working... but imagine literally getting baked to death on a airplane blowing 120 degrees into the cabin. I'm not even kidding. The captain said the air was blowing 120 degrees into the cabin! I literally felt like I was in Hell. People started getting sick because of the heat, once again another pleasant smell.

Sitting in Salt Lake City with the warm sun on my skin = Good.

Sitting in a jumpseat with 120 degree air blowing in my face = Very, Very, Very Bad.

I had never been so happy to get on the ground. It was actually a very scary experience. My first scare on an airplane that's for sure. No one got hurt, everyone was fine, people still waited to get on the next plane. Everyone was actually quite understanding. I mean a plane is a machine, and sometimes machines break. Not a big deal. Just extremely uncomfortable. 

So finally, after 2 airplane changes later, a bunch of really pissed off people, and a full duty day flying in the air I was even more ready to be home. And by home I mean first to Jersey early in the morning (4am to be exact), sleeping in the flight attendant lounge, and then waiting standby for my 6am flight back to Atlanta.

Being baked half to death on an airplane, angry passengers, Jersey at 4am, and no sleep = BAD.

Finally making it to Home Sweet Home after enjoying the refreshing mist of Spokane Falls on my skin, the lavish Davenport hotel, and a outside fountain reminiscent of home = Very, Very, Very Good.

Baby On Board

It happens every time. Never fails. The reluctant face of the passenger who gets stuck next to the baby. It starts with the hope that their boarding pass will put them just a few seats out of ear range of the squealing cry that is bound to happen as soon as half of the plane slips off to sleep. Then comes the deep sigh of reality that they are, in fact, next to the baby. Then of course the double check, first at the boarding pass... then at the seat. Sure enough. That is your seat. Next to that little bundle of joy 30,000 feet in the air. 

Now most the time you will have nothing to worry about, babies are well behaved the majority of the time. I think it has something to do with the hum of the engines that put them fast to sleep. But every now and then you will get the baby that refuses to stop crying the ENTIRE flight. People. Please bear with these parents. I promise you... they are WELL aware that their child is not happy. Yes, it is annoying. Yes, it's loud. Yes, you would rather sleep. But c'mon... There is only so much the parents can do to make that child happy at that point in time. You are trapped in a giant tube for hours with very little places to go. Children have a very short attention span and a movie and looking out the window can only last so long.

Traveling with kids is a HUGE pain. Travelers with small children are allowed to board first. This is because of course they take forever. Not only do the parents have their carry-on plus one personal item like any other passenger, but they also have a diaper bag, a bag of toys, a bag of food, a car seat, a bag of baby clothes and a stroller plus God knows what else. How they make it through security I have no idea. They can't just throw their stuff in an overhead bin and be good to go. They have to collapse the stroller in the jetway, gather their 25 bags of goodies and child in hand and somehow manage to squeeze down the narrow aisle. Once they arrive at the seat it is a juggling game of baggage and babies. What goes first? The bag or the baby? 

I always offer to help. It usually goes something like this...

Me: "Hello there! Is there anything I can help you with?"

Parent: "YES! Thank you so much!"

shoves child into my arms

Of course I meant with their baggage, but there I am.. baby in hands. I don't know what it is about parents that think I am made to hold their baby. This hardly happens to any other flight attendant. Just something about me. I am a magnet to passengers with babies. It's actually become a joke among my flight attendant friends. They always hand me their baby. Luckily I love babies or this would not be okay.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when parents are not prepared to travel with their children. Parents should always bring some type of entertainment. Not every airplane is equipped with an entertainment system. Parents should always bring a snack for their kids. Now of course we do have the snacks on board and every now and then catering will bless us with milk, but kids are picky and they may not be happy with the peanuts, pretzels, or cookies. And I may not have enough to supply your child with an unlimited supply of pretzels. Unless of course you are Sarah Jessica Parker coming into my galley asking me for milk and to warm your baby bottles... then of course I will hand over every bottle of milk I have in my possession.

The most irritating thing that has happened to me with a parent traveling with a small child happened within the first month of my new job. A tired mom came to the back of the plane in flight to use the bathroom and asked if I would hold her baby. I didn't exactly know the whole baby holding policy for my airline but I agreed, mainly because she looked absolutely exhasued and she plopped the baby in my arms not even thinking twice. This about the the time the baby looked at me scared to death and let out an glass shattering squeal of a cry while the mom locked herself in the tiny bathroom. Probably to hide and cry herself. I began to walk around in the galley bouncing the baby up and down trying to get him to stop crying. Eventually he did. Not because he suddenly became happy. No, it was because he was using the bathroom. I could feel his diaper filling up as I was holding him. I started to gag and my reacting was just to hold the baby straight out and look at it like it was some sort of alien creature. The baby began to cry again. Wonderful. Crying baby? Or warm diaper on my arm? Hmm. This is about the time I realized where the mother had been sitting. A few aisles away next to her husband aka the baby daddy! I was furious. Why had I suddenly became baby sitter of this pooping screaming crying hellacious child while the dad sat there ignoring my grief and enjoy whatever rerun episode of Glee we were playing that day. Irritated was an understatement.

The most entertaining child I had on board was a little girl named Remington. Cutest. Thing. Ever. Once Remington sat down in her seat she persisted in introducing herself to me and telling me her life story. 

"Hi my  name is Remington. This is my grandmother. We're on our way home. I just got done visiting Uncle Jack. He lives in Washington D.C. I live in Montana. What is your name?"

I couldn't help to smile. She was adorable. I don't know if it was because she was one of the most adorable children I have seen, or it was her cute innocent voice that was so precious. I used to work at an elementary school and I just adore cute kids like this and my heart began to melt. I chatted with Remington until I had to begin the safety demo. She questioned where I was going and I told her I was going to teach her some things about the plane so she better pay close attention.

Safety demo: "Your seatbelt must be securely fasted at this time. To fasten insert the metal tip into the buckle..."

Remington: "Why are you showing me that?! I already know how to buckle up!!"

She said it loud enough for the whole back end of the plane to hear. Everyone had to laugh. That's a great question Remington... why am I showing you this!? If a 5 year old can figure it out anyone should be able to. 

Safety demo: "If there is a sudden change in cabin pressure an oxygen mask will be revealed...

Remington: "That looks fun! Can I play with it?"

Yes. Of course you can. She sat there for the remainder of the safety demo with the fake oxygen mask fastened securely on her head. 

Safety demo: "Now please take a second to review the safety information card found in your seat pocket"

Sure enough. She did. And she read the ENTIRE thing. Cover to cover examining every picture and asking questions about each one. Grandma, why would we go in the water? Does this plane float? Why would we have to use the slides? Where are the slides? Can I play on the slides? The questions started at pushback and she did not put down the information card and stop asking questions until we began the drink service. Seems annoying, but it wasn't. Each question was legitimate and every question was adorable. I hated to part ways with my new friend Remington. She definitely earned her wings.

My favorite thing about my job besides getting to travel the world and see all these really great places is passing out the wings to the kids. It never gets old and I've never had a child refuse a pair. Just for a brief second I am able to relieve the stress in parents when they see the face of their child light up as I pin on their wings. For just a brief second I am the coolest person in the entire world and they couldn't be happier. Seems cheesy and simple, but it never fails. The second a child starts fussing or pitching a fit, all I have to do is walk up and flash those silver wings in their face and suddenly they will do whatever it takes to get them. The perfect bribe for perfect behavior.