Now so far all I have written of are the positive aspects of my job. Well it only takes one rotation gone wrong to turn an enjoyable 3-day trip into the trip from hell. Before I explain, Here's some advice when it comes to air travel. Here are some ways to prevent a diaster of a trip.
1. If you have a feeling something bad is going to happen... Like a delay or a reroute... Don't say it out loud. It will happen. The second the thought even crosses your lips it's like a magical spell takes over the flight and whatever you jokingly said you didn't want to happen... Will. I promise.
2. Don't get excited about your destination. And God forbid you make plans. Your flight will get delayed, cancelled, rerouted or all of the above. When you think you will be arriving at said location full of enthusiasm and energy ready to explore, you won't. You think you're ending up at a lavish 5 star hotel in the middle of downtown with 24 hours to kill, you will end up with a Motel 6 by the airport with sandpaper for sheets and rocks for pillows and only 5 hours to sleep. But never mind the sleep the sound of the highway by your window and the glare of a flashing vacant sign will keep you awake.
3. Pack for all occasions. Even if you're going to the Caribbean chances are you will need a jacket.
4. When your flight gets delayed don't take it out on the flight attendants. Delays affect us as well. Believe it or not we actually do have a life outside of the galley, and no we do not enjoy collecting your trash. We would like out of The sardine packed airplane just as bad, if not worse.
5. When you see a flight attendant walking with a trash bag or pushing a trash cart this is the time to hand them your trash. Believe it or not we do not like fumbling with your garbage as we walk through the aisle on the way to something better to do empty handed. And please DO NOT hand me your baby's dirty diaper.
6. Book nonstop flights. I do not have information on your connection. And only an idiot would book a connecting flight 45 mins after scheduled arrival. Ever heard of deplaning? It takes forever. And chances are you're about a million miles away from your gate.
7. Things will go wrong. Count on it. Don't take it personal.
Now my story.
I picked up this rotation from open time. Which is a giant list of flights that haven't been assigned to a crew yet, so they are open for the taking. That's how I scored what seemed to be awesome high trip time rotation with long layovers. One being in Vancouver. I've never been to Vancouver but I heard it's pretty. And plus it's international... Right? Well technically but doesn't seem so. Whatever.
Problem one. The crew was awful. Okay, so I'm slightly exaggerating. I've had worse, but they were about as fun as going to the dentist and had the personality of a wet paper towel. not much fun for 18+ hour layovers. They literally drove me insane. I N S A N E. One was a complete nerd who only wanted to talk about his technology and Japanese anime, and the other was a typical rude New Yorker. Doesn't blend well with a southern sorority girl.
Problem two. Remember how scheduling loved me last week? Well our love hate relationship was in full swing hatred this time. During our first layover in Milwaukee there was a change in our rotation in the middle of the day. Which no one informed us of. Remember when I said earlier if you think something bad will happen do not say it out loud? Well the technology geek flight attendant said it out loud and jinxed us during briefing the day prior. No I would not like the flight to get cancelled and deadheaded to Vancouver, funny... thanks for joking. So here we were up at the butt crack of dawn for a 5:20am pickup. That required waking up at 4am. So much for checking out the breweries downtown due to early pickup. This is strange... Pilots aren't at pickup. Oh well they're probably already there. We arrive at the airport to check our gate for the 6:20am departure. Delayed 3 hours!!! You've got to be kidding me? Remember the no show pilots? Well they were still soundly sleeping at the hotel because they had been informed of the delay. As well as our fourth flight attendant who would be joining us due to aircraft change. What was the delay due to you may ask? Weather? Mechanical? Air traffic? Even better. Insufficient crew rest. How ironic. So there the majority of the crew sits for 3 hours waiting on the pilots while we uncomfortably sit in airport chairs when we could have been in the comfort of our own hotel room. Some rest.
Problem three. Our second flight to Vancouver was set to depart at 9:25. Our first flight was delayed until 9:15. It doesn't take a mathematician to figure that one out. So instead of working to Vancouver we would be deadheaded, which means we basically get paid to fly as a passenger to another location to work. Remember the joke earlier? Suddenly not so funny. Deadheading is usually amazing and flight attendants love to score those! You get paid to sit in a passenger seat, partake in personal pastimes, be served by other flight attendants, and if you want descretly change into human clothes. This deadhead, not so great. Mainly because the flight would be a 7 hour wait. Which cuts into our layover. Remember the 5 star downtown hotel? Now gone. Replaced with the crummy airport hotel. Remember the plans your not supposed to make? Good thing I didn't prepay for that whale watching trip. This glorious deadhead would only be after they put us in another airport hotel in Minneapolis to enjoy our 7 hour day layover. So now where I was supposed to be done working and arrive at my wonderful layover by 11am and enjoy the whole day, I was now stuck waiting in hotels and airports and arrive around 7pm. No bueno.
Complete waste of a day. One day. 3 hotels. 2 states and 2 countries. No long layover. No fun.
Which is where I am now. Currently 30,000 feet in the air writing a blog, with another day of the rotation from hell to go. Thankfully the technology geek crew member has a login and password for the onboard Internet and was nice enough to share. I told you in was exaggerating. Things may be looking up. I just won't say it out loud.
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